Perspective and vulnerability

It is alarming how quickly my perspective on life, what's most important to me, what I'm concerned about changes.  Like a fierce wind, switching this way and that, my priorities are whipped around constantly and it's exhausting.

Deep down, I know what is most important, my foundation is sure, but then I get caught up in the everyday.  It seems to have a pull on me that I don't like.  I want to be even-keeled.  I don't want things to knock me this way and that.  I want to improve because I want to be a better person.

Lately, situations have happened and controlling my reaction to them has been more work than what I would have expected.  I thought I was tough and had it together, and in someone ways I do.  But I need to be more together, more secure, more focused on the good instead of surface issues.  I want to have the wisdom, the perspective, the concern of a 60 year old. 

I feel like my main problem may be selfishness.  This seems strange to me since I am a mom and nearly every moment is spent giving to others.  But the point is, I guess, I am doing it all without complete love because I am caught up in way too many other lame things.  

Plus, the other day I was asked what I do to relax.  I couldn't think of an answer. I rarely relax.  I know this is not uncommon, but I find I need to physically and mentally.  Study? Art? Exercise? Music?  Probably a bit of all of the above.

Overall, I need to remember I'm rich with goodness all around me.  There is love filling my cup and it's full. The problem is, I'm only sipping from it. 

Look, I am rich. Ollie made this cash today, along with a 1,000,000 cent coin.


jo said...

A full post. Knowing you like I do, I think I can safely say that selfishness is in no way a word that I would use to describe you. But I do think we've all been there, having the feeling of being tossed and finding that even at our toughest we're not as solid as we'd like to be. It's these times that we come outeven stronger than before. You are a champ. Truly.

ash said...

Thanks Jo. That truly makes me feel good.

The Jeff Bylund Family said...

I agree with Joey. You are one of the best people I know in every way, and that is not an exaggeration.

ash said...

Thanks Tammy. That makes me truly feel great too.