About a month ago I was watching 48 hours, again. I asked Jess that if he ever caught me watching such Friday night programming (as he finishes up some of the day’s work at home); would he please tell me to stop. I have a weird relationship with such programs. They draw me in but then they scare the heck out of me and I think about them all night and into the next day. You may or may not know that these shows are usually about ruthless crimes that shock and awe the viewing audience. There’s lots of repetition, quick flashes of crime scene photographs, and numerous statements like, “but what she didn’t know about her neighbor – dramatic pause – was that he had a secret past.” The stories don’t end happily and I usually feel a sense of emptiness when it’s over. But this Friday night was different.
As the program began, the host mentioned the locale of the crime. I was caught off guard. I knew the place. It was very close to where I grew up. The victims were people I didn’t know, but as the story continued, I began to recognize the family members of one of the innocent fatalities. There, on the screen, was my sister’s wedding photographer sharing with millions one of the hardest moments of her life. And then, there was my wedding photographer going into the details of what she felt during such a hard time. I was saddened before I could place them. I was distraught when I realized our connection.
Around the time of my wedding, when I came in contact with my photographer, I had suffered a loss and was feeling very sorry for myself. I knew nothing of the criminal offense that had occurred several years before to her family. I had no idea they had suffered such a terrible loss. As she took our wedding photos, I acted somewhat terse and gave abrupt answers. I wasn’t really friendly. I recall thinking to myself, “How do I explain to her what my family is going through? She would never understand.”
But the truth was that she would have understood. She had dealt with challenging things in her life too. I wish I could have acted differently at the time. Possibly have said something that would relate to my situation but would help her feel good too. There’s no way I could have known what she had been through and what hole was still in her life, but I could have been a bit more . . . nice. And I definitely could have made fewer assumptions.
As time goes on I realize more and more that everyone goes through difficult times. It was only after I had experienced an extremely challenging situation that I became aware of this fact of life. I guess I presumed the whole of the population lived superb lives that were just jim-dandy and I along with a few others knew what real heart ache was. Wrong. Everyone has challenges. And whether they are different or the same, we can use that commonality to help one another. I guess that’s the beauty that comes from sad situations. That is, because we’ve all dealt with some hard thing or another, we are better equipped to help each other. And isn’t that what life’s about? Helping one another?
I still don’t like 48 hours, and I’ll try not to watch it this year, but it sure reiterated a lesson as I watched that Friday night. I don’t ever think that will happen again. In fact, I’m pretty sure it won’t. So good riddance intense crime television, adieu assumptions, and hello again kindheartedness.
5 comments:
Wow - very well said.
You have a heart of gold. You're right about how it often takes us experiencing challenges to "see" that they also happen to others and to empathize. So we should all get nicer and nicer as we get older, right?
You're so right about this. And from what I know, you are a very kindhearted person already.
And, an alternative for Friday nights is the Disney channel, go Hannah Montana! I'm kidding. really though...
Very well put. The human experience, whatever that may be, brings us closer together as humans while simultaneously isolating us from each other. It's an age old conundrum. Religious faith and other philosophical traditions try, knowing that our positive relationships with other humans is what makes us happy, to keep us from ering on the side of isolation. Still so many of us end up choosing it. When we can come to this conclusion ourselves, however, that's when, I feel, we really understand it. I'm not there yet, but hearing your feelings on the matter sure helps. Thanks for sharing.
I completely agree with Trisha - in that you're a very kind person (not the Hannah Montana part ;). We all have our moments and when you go through a difficult experience I think it's okay to spend a little bit of time mourning your loss (whatever that may be). The key is to then get over it and live the rest of your life using that experience to help others. I need to try harder to give others the benefit of the doubt because you're right - we never know what battles people are fighting. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
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